We all know what happens to liars and cheaters. They always get their comeuppance. At least, they do in fiction, anyways.
In real life, however, all of us lie - apparently, many times a day. We're not talking about the real whoppers, necessarily. These might be what we'd call, "White Lies".
"Do I look fat in this?"
A lie is a lie, no matter what shade. It seems we need to lie regularly to grease the wheels of social congress.
If you don't believe me, then spend today telling the whole truth, the absolute truth and nothing but the truth. Give your honest opinion, even if unsolicited. Keep this up for a week and see if you have any friends left.
Some people are better at lying than others. They are the ones who tend to get away with it most of the time. If the other party doesn't know they're being lied to - and it doesn't hurt them, either - where's the harm in that? If a tree falls in the forest and there's nobody around to hear it, does it make a sound? A good lie doesn't make a sound. Besides, the other party might not want to know the truth, anyway - no matter what they say. The truth can hurt.
The trouble with lying is not really the lying in and of itself, it's the complications that ensue. To tell a good lie requires skill. To maintain the lie, fortitude. To remember all the lies you've made, an exquisite memory. Perhaps, then, lying is an art form?
Maybe, we say lying is bad as a precautionary tale, because we're not very good at it and we're likely to get caught. Getting caught in a lie is much worse than getting away with it.
Lying prevents us from having to tell the truth, which might not be a bad thing. It gives us a chance to live out fantasies, explore other aspects of ourselves without fear of recrimination, and give ourselves permission to be who we WANT to be - instead of being trapped in other people's perceptions of us.
Honesty is not always the best policy, because, sometimes, it can be very cruel.
What do you think...?
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Here's a funny video of what happens when couples tell one another the absolute truth all the time.--David G. Wilson
In a discussion about honesty, it might be worth talking about forgiveness. I came across an article that breaks forgiveness down into several elements in an attempt to balance accountability with compassion.
(1) Pre-emptive Mercy. forgiveness isn't an act; it's an attitude. We all make mistakes and should expect it in others. The forgiving person is strong enough to display anger and resentment toward the person who wronged them, but, equally, strong enough to give away that anger and resentment by seeking to make the first move and not resort to vengeance. Create a welcoming context in which the offender can confess.
(2) Judgment. A wrong is an opportunity to re-evaluate. What is the character of the person in question and should a momentarily lapse in stupidity undermine their record of decency? Counteracting the wrong depends upon the type of wrong. Is a habit of restraint required, or an apology, or a repayment, or a re-establishing of the relationship? Hard questions must be asked so that in forgiving we don't lower our standards.
(3) Confession & Penitence. The offender will need to go above and beyond expectation in terms of an apology, a rooting out of the cause of their misbehaviour, and a change in their behaviour. They must become more self-critical than those around them in order to recalibrate and become stronger in their weakest places.
(4) Reconciliation and Re-trust. Both parties must mend fences after judgement is passed and penitence performed. A wrongful act should not be a barrier to the relationship.
At the end of the day, is forgiveness about exiling the offender or healing the relationship?--David G. Wilson
Sometimes we enjoy being lied to, especially when the lies are much more entertaining than reality.--David G. Wilson
Can anybody really ever be "honest"?
According to some research I came across, we lie 2 to 3 times every 10 minutes - even more when it comes to love. Caring and fearing are the two most common reasons for lying.
"Its the law of obedience which produces the necessity of lying in children" - Jean-Jacques Rousseau. And parents lie to children to help them believe in themselves - "You can be whatever you want to be"; "Other kids are just jealous of you".
Those most betrayed by the lies of lovers are those who have the most unrealistic expectations about truthfulness. Honesty and deception - should they be practiced in moderation? As someone recently said, "Love is a greater good than the truth... don't worry about ferreting out the truth; take care of each other instead."--David G. Wilson