I met Queen Nefertiti on Thursday afternoon in H&M on 34th street. Her outfit was to die for and her skin glowed like she had been mummified for no more than a week, ok, ok.. a month maybe?
At first I was really stalkerish about it, I followed her to the the third floor "basics" section, then I watched her decide between a gold knit sweater and a silver. I was rooting for silver, she went with gold. After hiding behind a rack of crop tops for 15 minutes I decided that it was time to man up, or woman up.. or whatever basically, I decided to say hello.
I smoothed out my wrinkled white top and adjusted my feet in my too tight heels to make myself look natural and comfortable. Why the heck did I decide to wear heels on a random Wednesday? Who freakin knows! At least she will think that I am like cool, and stylish and stuff.
"Hey Ms. .... um Queen Nefertiti"
She adjusted the silver top on her left arm and gracefully turned to look at me. It was a little too graceful.. like she practiced it for a week at Julliard. At closer look, I could see that the glow of her skin wasn't coming from the natural effects of skin preserving mummification, it was definitely that Mac bronzer for dark skin tones. Damn!
"Why hello" She replied.
Her breath hit me like a pile of bricks. Nobody mentioned that the most beautiful woman of all time suffered from severe halitosis.
"Are you one of my loving fans?" she asked
"Um, yea... I guess" I needed to end this conversation fast if I wanted to save my sense of smell.
" Well I'm so happy to meet you" the queen stated "Would you like a picture?
I wanted to ask her how she became known as the most beautiful woman, how she truly lived and died, how it was being a real queen. I looked her up and down and everything that I once found mystical and appealing was just ... human.
"Sure" I replied .. "lets take one for Instagram, I want my friends to see I met the most beautiful woman of all time."